ChRis finaLLy cOmeS oUT

My friend Christmas, whose confidence level is something I wish I had, posed for Cosmo magazine wearing a swimsuit, that made everybody gasped in surprise, had this to say...

L-R: Gene, Tin, Joaquin, Me, and Christmas

I've FINALLY Come Out!
Sunday, March 8, 2009 at 12:21am

It has been more than two weeks. And I've seen the 'outcome'. So now I can (I think) safely say what the thing I've been keeping secret was all about: I am in the March issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine. Modelling NO LESS than a one-piece suit.

I know, i know. Gulatan itow. Haha! I actually was offered a similar 'gig' a year ago. But I just thought I couldn't bare the thought of coming out -- published -- in bathing suit. What a way to 'come out' right?! But this time, I gave it only probably a minute of thought then told Cereb I'm giving it a go. My reason: I'll try everything once.

I think me pushing 30 has a lot to do with the decision. I haven't done something scary in a long time. During the photoshoot done sometime early February, I wanted to just back out right there and then. The girls I was with were all young and skinny! Perhaps it was age, but as I engaged in conversation with them, I realized two things: one was how old I was compared to them (since they were mostly just in their early 20s) and how much this whole thing was of a different purpose for me.

For them it was all about themselves. I wanted to roll my eyes each time they talked about how fat they looked, and how much they already gained 10lbs and how their stomachs looked big. I think I did raise my eyebrows a few times (involuntarily, I'm sure as my eyebrows have a mind of their own) because in general, I just really raise my brows when I hear already-skinny girls complain about them 'getting fat'. For me, this whole posing-in-a-bathing suit was my way of coming out and coming to terms with who I am and celebrating my uniqueness.

I have always been fat. I couldn't even imagine how life would be if I were thin. I know I would probably have an easier way in the love department, or perhaps be a celebrity, or perhaps married to some rich guy from a prominent family and running a clothing line. But as ME, I don't know how different I would be if I were thin. But somehow, I never let my frame stop me from being the person I wanted to be and know I could be. I would dress the way I want (though admittedly I did go through the matronic stage when I was in high school because my mom was dressing me and she wanted me to hide my flaws -- and there was a LOT!) but now that I'm older and know what works, I wear what I want as long as I feel good in it. Sometimes, I wear what I want even if I suffer the consequences of having to stuff my gut in corsets and that body stocking thing -- if it means me feeling better and confident and looking sexy -- at least to my standards.

We all pay a price for beauty. In my case, I'm thankful that tucking my stomach and hiding my arms and legs are all I have to think about. It would be more difficult if I had to hide something more evident -- like my face, LOL!

I got sick and tired of hearing 'maganda ka sana kung payat ka' or 'ang ganda kaya lang ang taba'. I still hear that nowadays but it doesn't bear any weight at all. SO WHAT if I'm fat? I won't be a hypocrite and say I don't want to lose the weight. Of course I do. I would give it all if I can lose my arm flags so I can wear halter, sleeveless tops. Or loose the cellulites on my thighs so I can wear short shorts and show off my legs which I think aren't bad at all; Only they're too big. (LOL!) But I love food too much to make that effort. I would love for Dr. Belo to give me help on those areas for free, but for me to ACTUALLY do something about it... errr....

These days everyone is just trying to be fit and (right) trim. Even my company has sponsored a year membership to Fitness First to which I will avail of when I get a pair of rubber shoes -- me not owning that only shows how much I DON'T engage in physical activities, LOL!

More than loving my body, I love myself. I am proud of what I have accomplished. I am proud of how people of all sizes have somehow found something inspiring in me when I look the way I look despite the weight. I think I have transcended fashion by making a statement and finding the best looking clothes available in 2 or 3XL that won't look like something your grandma would wear (for that I am grateful to lines which have designed great outfits available for sizes 2 to 22). I think there shouldn't be any design made for skinny people and designs made for fat people. Aren't we all fighting for equality now? The election of Obama as President should make us all realize that things ARE different now. If people were able to look past race and color in the name of change and leadership, then we should also be able to look past shape and size.

I'm all for whatever makes people happy. If you are happy being you, then that is great. If you think something should be improved, then go ahead and do it. I am happy being me. I am not saying I think I'm perfect, because obviously, I am not, but THIS IS ME. The celluiltes, double chin and big arms do not define who I am as a person. It is a part of me, yes, but these flaws make me human.

Life has made me wiser than my years, the jeers of being fat since I was a child helped make me the strong person that I am now. I think it will still take a lot of years before societies all over the world accept that people come in all forms without the mockery. People never get content anyway. Either you're too fat or too thin. So which way to go, right? But for now, in my lifetime, I do what is best for me, never being told of what looks beautiful and struggling to BE that which society defines as beautiful.

Like I said in the mag, I am beautiful because I am different. If I were thin, I would just be beautiful (naks!) and nothing more. Being BIG makes me more interesting, makes me stand out (coz I'm hard to miss out -- vision-wise, haha!) and it just separates me from the rest.

Now that the mag is out, I am even prouder of myself. I know some people will make a mockery out of it, but I didn't do this for bug-brained imbeciles. I did the magazine for all those who are intelligent enough to appreciate that women do come in all shapes and sizes and STILL are beautiful! I did this for the women who are insecure about their bodies and beat themselves up in the gym trying to lose their bilbils. You can never be too fat or too skinny or too dark to do WHATEVER you want to do. As long as you are confident and happy with what you decide on.

Celebrate your femininity! Celebrate your body! Nothing will be as liberating knowing you don't need anyone's approval on how to look because YOU like what you see. And YOU don't owe ANYONE an explanation because you KNOW you ARE Beautiful... with a capital B!

Cheers to you Chris! You have inspired a lot of women. I'm so proud of you! Love yah!